In which the Internet is filled with wonderful things and I share them because I love you

[Please pretend that this post was posted on the fourteenth and not the fifteenth. I am only half an hour too late.]

January and February are my least favorite months. Despite loving winter and hating summer weather with a passion, these are the months when I feel the most lethargic and unmotivated, curling into myself and only poking my head out when absolutely forced. Something about the post-holiday slump, something about the longing for sunshine and growing things that creeps up on me, something about the way it feels like winter has already been here for ages and spring will never come. I just feel gross and useless and blobby.

Also, today is Valentine’s Day. I genuinely do not understand the dislike people have for this holiday, the bitterness and contempt. You can shout about consumerism and corporate evil all day long, or complain about being forever alone, but in the end, the day is what you make of it. Don’t buy Hallmark cards or bouquets of flowers or store-bought chocolates if you don’t want to, don’t go out for fancy dinners. But I just cannot get on board with hating a day entirely devoted to love. Yes, yes, you should be showing love to those you care about every day of the year, yes, you shouldn’t need a special day to make them feel important, blah blah blah. But what is wrong with one day specifically designated for showering people with love and affection, one day of cheesy sweetness? Nothing. People are certainly allowed to disregard it if they really wish to, but I become very tired of the constant stream of anti-Valentine nonsense I see all over the Internet every year.

And so, because to me this is a day to celebrate all the things and people you love, not just significant others, and because I need cheering up in these somewhat bleak months, here is a post of things I love on the Internet. I hope you will love some of them, too.

Cabinet des Fées, another place where I dream of being published, has some very beautiful and lyrical faerie tales, ones whose language is so delicious I want to eat it. My favorites from my reading so far are Salt by Joanna Hoyt, The Robber King’s Wife by Caspian Gray, A Water Sign by Bruce Woods, and everything from Demeter’s Spicebox, but especially Lavanya and Deepika by Shveta Thakrar. But really, there are only four stories in Demeter’s Spicebox and they are all perfect so you should read them all.

There is an absolutely gorgeous story by Roxane Gay, available to read online, called I Am a Knife. You should read this. I promise. It is stunning and raw and real and powerful and awful and will hit you in the chest and steal all your breath and possibly make you cry. It made me cry, a little. It is definitely not for the faint of heart, but, if you are faint of heart, it seems unlikely that you would also be a reader of my blog. If you do read it and you fall in love with it the way I did and wish to read more of her words, she has a writing page you should check out.

Last.fm has been making me very happy this year. In January, I discovered its nature sounds and sounds of nature tags, and have been in birds and water heaven. Birds and water are not the only things to be found there, just my favorites. I could listen to streamside songbirds and forest brooks for the rest of my life and be happy. And in February, it has provided me with a constant stream of songs that mix folk with a kind of country/blues sound, like Scott Matthews, Matthew and the Atlas, and The Civil Wars. Folk music is one of my favorite things in the world, and I grew up with country and blues and have never entirely left them behind, but I am largely dissatisfied with the mainstream offerings, so this is thrilling me. Also, it has given me Dry the River, who are my new favorite.

Here there is a collection of links to free online versions of some of Neil Gaiman’s short stories, in audio, video and text. I particularly recommend “Cinnamon” (text) and “The Graveyard Book” (vidio). If you don’t already know why you should read these … well, I don’t think there’s anything I can do for you and why are you here anyway instead of learning the forever inspiring, life-changing, word-magicking power of Neil Gaiman?

At The Rumpus, there is an essay called Transformation and Transcendence: The Power of Female Friendship, and it demands to be read. Power, strength, beauty. So much love. Honesty. Raw vulnerability. I was reminded, with tears in my eyes, why soul sisters are so very, very important and necessary to have. Why my heart aches every time I think of my own and the bonds that have formed between us. Why I feel so fiercely for them. There is a certain special something, an unnamable fiery sweetness, in female kinship, something that was lacking in my life for a very long time that I did not even know I needed. Please read this.

I saw, on that afternoon, that it’s possible to transcend the limits of your skin in a friendship. That a friend can take you out of the boxes you’ve made for yourself and burn them up. This kind of friendship is not a frivolous connection, a supplementary relationship to the ones we’re taught and told are primary – spouses, children, parents. It is love.

Support, salvation, transformation, life: this is what women give to one another when they are true friends, soul friends, what the Irish call anam cara.

In The guardian, there is an article called Questions that authors are never asked. It is not a new article, but new to me, and I think it is fascinating and a little bit lovely. I love to know about other people, to dig down into their minds and dissect their hearts and find out what really makes up the essence of who they are. And it is a very funny idea, letting authors tell you what they wish they would be asked. It reminds me of Stephen King’s repeated complaint about how much he dislikes being asked where he gets his crazy ideas.

That is enough, I think. I hope you have found something here to enjoy. And I hope, also, that you have had a beautiful day, that you have love to give and to receive, something to make you smile, and warmth all around you, even if you do not like Valentine’s Day. And maybe some chocolate. I have Dove milk chocolate hearts, myself.

Posted in faerie tale, fantasy, favorite, fiction, lists, music, nonfiction | 2 Comments

In which there is “The Seas”, with a Lev Grossman side note

The narrator of The Seas lives in a tiny, remote, alcoholic, cruel seaside town. An occasional chambermaid, granddaughter to a typesetter, and daughter to a dead man, awkward and brave, wayward and willful, she is in love (unrequited) with an Iraq War veteran thirteen years her senior. She is convinced that she is a mermaid. What she does to ease the pain of growing up lands her in prison. What she does to get out is the stuff of legend. In the words of writer Michelle Tea, The Seas is “creepy and poetic, subversive and strangely funny, [and] a phenomenal piece of literature.”

–from Amazon

I read “The Seas” by Samantha Hunt in the second half of December, finishing it as the year wound down to a close. I liked it very much. Not a favorite, but in saying that, I do not want it to be assumed that I did not enjoy it. Sometimes books are enjoyable, good, without holding your heart in that special way that makes them amazing. This was one of those.

The thing I liked most about it was the language; I dived beneath its surface and swam in it, it clung to me when I stopped reading. I marked so many passages. At times the writing became a bit stilted, but this happened rarely and I was able to overlook it because the imagery and thoughts of the narrator were so perfect.

I wish we had gotten to know more about Jude, the man the narrator was in love with. I found him far more compelling than her or her mother, or even her grandfather, although I did like hearing about his typesetting project and all the strange definitions he found for words. There was a kind of lonely, helpless pain about Jude that appealed to something in me, and I was riveted by his descriptions of the time he spent at war. He was not a particularly kind man, despite the fact that he stood up for the narrator when she was persecuted for her strangeness–he toyed with her emotions, constantly telling her she was too young for him, sleeping with many other women and not hiding it, but always keeping her close, making her come back to him. And so the pattern continues, my favorites are always those who are unpleasant in one way or another. I liked the narrator best when she was talking about him, describing the intensity of feeling she felt for him.

Some nights I want Jude so badly that I imagine I am giving birth to him. I pretend to sweat. I toss and wring my insides out. Mostly I think this because that’s how badly I want Jude’s head between my legs. It never occurs to me that I imagine he’s my baby because loving him hurts or because with the way he drinks, he acts like one. I never think that. Instead I think, I will create Jude inside my head and that way he will be inside of me which is almost as good as fucking or at least pricking our fingers and touching them together.

Jude runs his hand through his hair, but this town is flat and the space between each line of text, each strand of Jude’s black hair, stretches out so that what I read is more than one width of truth. He runs his hand through his hair and the Mercator Projection makes my ground shake. His fingers and his hair stretch like the longitude lines in my head so that his molehill, “You’re too young,” makes my mountain, “Rope, knife, gun.”

I think it was easy for me to slip into this book because I recognized the town they lived in so well. Not that I have ever lived in an alcoholic, seaside town where it was always cold and raining, but the town where I lived for the first eight or so years of my life was very like the one in this book. Minus the sea, which dominated everything. I know what it’s like to live somewhere where the bar is the only place to go and drinking is the only thing to do, where people can get trapped for a lifetime, where nothing really seems to happen and the town never really seems to move forward much. It seems bleak, but there is happiness to be found in towns like this, too, if you look for it, and perhaps this is why some people never leave. Things are simpler in these places. Some things, anyway.

But happiness was not a theme in “The Seas”. Neither was redemption. It is definitely not a light, cheerful read. I prefer my books full of angst and melancholy, though, so light, cheerful reads are not likely to come up much on my blog. Anyway, here are passages about the narrator’s parents, marked not so much because I found the parents interesting, more because I thought the writing was wonderful.

When she met my father she was still really good at being quiet. When she met him she realized how she had been collecting silence in a slender, delicate glass jar behind her ribcage. The bottle was not corked and so she always had to be very careful not to spill it. When she met him what happened was he took her out dancing and told her, “You make me feel like a pony.” She didn’t know what the hell that meant, but it made her damp inside like a flood, so the bottle broke and she didn’t care anymore as long as she could have him. All the good silent things she’d been saving up, like lights off in the distance at night or fog in the morning, ricocheted around her insides freed and she’d never felt so good. She went wild for him, taking on his habits, like drinking, driving with only one hand on the wheel, and other dangerous interests as though they were a new coat cut just for her. She tore about town like a match that had just realized it could burn down the entire village if it wanted to and she did.

“The lake ice was more beautiful than anything you will ever see. As clear,” he said and looked around for an adjective or noun to describe it, but he’d been drinking and the best he could come up with was, “as clear as clear plastic. And,” he continued, “huge. Chunks as big as any garbage can or,” again he looked around, “as big as the barrel of a man’s ribcage. In fact,” he told me whispering, leaning forward and tucking his can of beer on the floor beside his armchair, “I traded my ribcage for a chunk of ice instead.”

This explained a lot. From my father I got many recessive genes. Fair eyes, fair skin, and the mermaid part. The surrender places. I did not get a torso of ice though sometimes it feels that way, as if something solid that once was there melted now and still aches with the vacancy of him when it rains.

I really loved the uncertainty of never knowing if the narrator was mentally unstable or if she really was a mermaid, among other things she claimed to be truth. I am not sure of my feelings about the ending, but I enjoyed the climax of her relationship with Jude, and, there again, the blurriness of the line between reality and fantasy. Being completely unable to tell if what she told was really what happened or if it was something more sinister. I do not know which I would prefer, so I am happy to have it left in shadow.

This was a good book, worth the money I spent on it and the time it took to scan it. I recommend it.

I’d rather be subject to the ocean’s laws than the laws that apply to young girls trying to become women here on dry land.

And an unrelated side note: Many people get to my blog by searching variations on the question: Will there be another book after “The Magician King”? I imagine they leave disappointed, because until last night I was as curious and clueless as everyone else. But Lev Grossman has now answered this and other questions for us.

Will there be another Magicians book?

Yes. Working title: The Magician’s Land.

When?

The Magician King came out exactly two years after The Magicians. I’m hoping to stick to that pace. I have a very detailed outline of the new book, and I’ve written the first few chapters.

So, there you are. You’re welcome.

Posted in faerie tale, fantasy, fiction, magical realism, young adult | Leave a comment

In which there is an ending and a beginning

Another year gone, another year beginning. It always seems that the year passes in the blink of an eye, one minute we’re toasting the new year and the next we’re reflecting on all that it contained. For me, 2011 was a year of mostly good things. Quiet, calm, peaceful, just how I prefer it. It was a time of personal growth, and although I have many more miles yet to walk, I am satisfied with the steps I have taken.

This was a brilliant year for reading. So many favorite books discovered–”Orphan’s Tales”, “The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland”, “The Second Jungle Book”, “The Girl with Glass Feet”, “On Writing”. And also books that were, if not favorites, still thought-provoking–”Caribou Island”, “There Once Lived a Woman Who Tried to Kill Her Neighbor’s Baby”, “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close”. I feel like the reading I have done has accurately represented the year I have had. There was some bleakness toward the beginning, things that made me tired and dispirited, but in the summer the world burst into bloom and everything felt vibrant and hopeful. And then, toward the end of the year, things calmed, neither wildly joyful nor wildly terrible. There was, and still is, a sleepy languorousness, a cooling.

I have been many things in the past year, many different girls occupying one self. I have been somewhat heartless and somewhat grown, a girl and a monster and both, a poor lost beast and the girl in the garden overflowing with tales to tell, a wicked girl. I have formed a few new relationships, strengthened and clarified some that were already there. I have written, not nearly as much as I would like, but some things I really love. I have struggled and triumphed. I saw my favorite band of all time live, something that was on my ‘things to do before I die’ list. I became an aunt. I found a new home. I sent my words out into the world to be judged by those with no biases. I received rejections and did not crumble.

Writing it all out, it does not seem like such a boring year as I thought it was. Nothing earth-shattering has happened, but I am stepping from 2011 into 2012 surrounded by love, with a steadier foundation beneath my feet and more certainty of myself and my abilities, and, most importantly, with peace in my heart. How long I have strived for this. All I could ask for, right now. This post is already long enough without my New Year’s goals, but I have written them all out in lists and sublists, with bullet points and action steps for each month, and I am hoping that 2012 will be a year of profound change and success. Of more peace. Of breathing and loosening and relaxing. Of not being afraid.

Some quotes from the past year of reading that represent the year I have had:

I thought sacrifice might mean something. The wounds throb even though they’re not real yet. Would you reach inside them to uncover the secret?

–Francesca Lia Bloc, “Wasteland”

And, God, what blessed relief to lose one’s turgid thoughts and anxieties in a gush Of imagery and symbols. He was a man of words first and foremost: a man of flesh and blood second.

–Ali Shaw, “The Girl with Glass Feet”

Tell me a tale where she wakes one morning and finds that her heart is white as a silkworm, and the sun is golden on the sill, and she then believes that she can live, and hold peace in her hand like a pearl.

–Catherynne M. Valente, “In the Cities of Coin and Spice”

Life isn’t a support-system for art. It’s the other way around.

–Stephen King, “On Writing”

Writing isn’t about making money, getting famous, getting dates, getting laid, or making friends. In the end, it’s about enriching the lives of those who will read your work, and enriching your own life, as well. It’s about getting up, getting well, and getting over. Getting happy, okay? Getting happy. Some of this book-perhaps too much-has been about how I learned to do it. Much of it has been about how you can do it better. The rest of it-and perhaps the best of it-is a permission slip: you can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will. Writing is magic, as much the water of life as any other creative art. The water is free. So drink. Drink and be filled up.

–Stephen King, “On Writing”

I have all the books I could need, and what more could I need than books? I shall only engage in commerce if books are the coin. Come to my door if you have a book—and a good one, not just your great-aunt’s book of doily patterns—and I will give you an egg or a cake or a pair of woolen socks. I am a practical girl, and a life is only so long. It should be spent in as much peace and good eating and good reading as possible and no undue excitement. That is all I am after.

–Catherynne M. Valente, “The Girl Who Ruled Fairyland — For a Little While”

And the best summary of the entire year, from “In the Night Garden”:

I was happy, the sun was high. I had enough.

My 2011 booklist, not as long as I had hoped it would be but full of wonderful books that I highly recommend (favorites have been bolded):
01: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer
02: Wasteland by Francesca Lia Block
03: Echo by Francesca Lia Block
04: Suffer the Children by John Saul
05: The Bloody Chamber and Other Stories by Angela Carter
06: Caribou Island by David Vann
07: The Girl with Glass Feet by Ali Shaw
08: There Once Lived a Woman Who Tried to Kill Her Neighbor’s Baby by Ludmilla Petrushevskaya
09: The Second Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling
10: Girl Goddess #9 by Francesca Lia Block
11: In the Night Garden by Catherynne M. Valente
12: In the Cities of Coin and Spice by Catherynne M. Valente
13: The Waters and the Wild by Francesca Lia Block
14: The Frenzy by Francesca Lia Block
15: Speak by Laurie halse Anderson
16: The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson
17: Forests of the Heart by Charles de Lint
18: The Magician King by Lev Grossman
19: Book of a Thousand Days by Shannon Hale
20: The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making by Catherynne M. Valente
21: MirrorMask by Neil Gaiman
22: On Writing by Stephen King
23: Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman
24: Pretty Monsters by Kelly Link
25: The Seas by Samantha Hunt

And finally, the traditional beginning to my new year:

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.

I hope you will have a wonderful year, that you’ll dream dangerously and outrageously, that you’ll make something that didn’t exist before you made it, that you will be loved and that you will be liked, and that you will have people to love and to like in return. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and more wisdom in the world right now), that you will, when you need to be, be wise, and that you will always be kind.

–Neil Gaiman

Posted in books, lists, personal | Leave a comment

In which there are two many things in too few words: “Practical Magic”, “Ginger Snaps” and “Pretty Monsters”

I am going to write this post if it kills me.

There are three things I want to write about, going all the way back to October because I will always be a failure of a blog maintainer. None of these things will get the proper amount of words, but at least they will be here and their neglect can finally stop nagging at me.

First, “Practical Magic” by Alice Hoffman. I read this during the first couple of weeks of October, I think, and it is one of my favorite books of this year. I watched the film a few months before I read the book and while I enjoyed it, I felt like it was lacking depth, not enough time spent on any of the threads of the story. This is a common film complaint, especially for me, and so I was delighted by the length of the book. I was not expecting it to be so drawn out and detailed, meandering through the various stages of the story and thoroughly fleshing out every character, even those who were not primary parts of the book. It could have been very dense and difficult to get through, but instead it was like an extended dream; I floated through each page and felt half-asleep throughout. In a good way.

The film focused almost entirely on the two sisters, Sally and Gillian, whose parents are dead so they live with their two eccentric aunts. the aunts practice witchcraft, but, as the title suggests, a practical kind. Sally is the quiet, practical sister, while Gillian is the fiery, passionate one. In the film, Sally is vehemently against falling in love because of what it has done to their family, which is supposedly under a curse that causes any man an Owens woman falls in love with to die. Gillian is desperate to fall in love and escape the town where they are treated like freaks and outcasts for being witches. In the book, they are both against falling in love, as children, and vow to each other that they will never be like the women who come to the aunts for help with their love lives:

On evenings when the orange moon was rising in the sky, and some woman was crying in their kitchen, Sally and Gillian would lock pinkies and vow never to be ruled by their passions.

“Yuck,” the girls would whisper to each other when a client of their aunts would weep or lift her blouse to show the raw marks where she’d cut the name of her beloved into her skin with a razor.

“Not us,” the sisters would swear, locking their fingers even more tightly.

But of course they both fall in love eventually, even though Sally thinks she is love resistant and Gillian can never stay in love once she’s gotten herself there. Both their loves bring their own kind of tragedy, but Sally’s also brings two children, Antonia and Kylie, and this book is as much about them as it is about Sally and Gillian. Gillian comes to live with Sally and her children when one of her loves ends in disaster, and there is a bruised kind of aching tenderness about the book after that, both teenage hormone and aged nostalgia. Gillian’s late lover haunts the family in strange and terrible ways, and there comes a time when he can no longer be ignored and must be dealt with, which is the climax of the story and the focus of most of the film. But I found the other aspects of the book far more compelling, the creation and destruction of relationships, the raw vulnerability of Gillian and the anxious, tightly-strung love of Sally, the softening cruelty of Antonia and the confused wildness of Kylie.

This is not all I wanted to say. My feelings about this book could have made an entire post on their own, if I hadn’t waited so long to write it. But half of that post would have been things I don’t really want to write about anyway, like how strongly I related to Gillian and the reasons for that, so perhaps this way is better. Last thought on this: I enjoyed the various magical lessons that began each section of the book, like:

IF A WOMAN is in trouble, she should always wear blue for protection. Blue shoes or a blue dress. A sweater the color of a robin’s egg or a scarf the shade of heaven. A thin satin ribbon, carefully threaded through the white lace hem of a slip. Any of these will do. But if a candle burns blue, that is something else entirely, that’s no luck at all, for it means there’s a spirit in your house. And if the flame should flicker, then grow stronger each time the candle is lit, the spirit is settling in. Its essence is wrapping around the furniture and the floorboards, it’s claiming the cabinets and the closets and will soon be rattling windows and doors.

And:

ALWAYS KEEP MINT on your windowsill in August, to ensure that buzzing flies will stay outside, where they belong. Don’t think the summer is over, even when roses droop and turn brown and the stars shift position in the sky. Never presume August is a safe or reliable time of the year. It is the season of reversals, when the birds no longer sing in the morning and the evenings are made up of equal parts golden light and black clouds. The rock-solid and the tenuous can easily exchange places until everything you know can be questioned and put into doubt.

And, of course, the final lines:

Always throw spilled salt over your left shoulder. Keep rosemary by your garden gate. Add pepper to your mashed potatoes. Plant roses and lavender, for luck. Fall in love whenever you can.

Second, “Ginger Snaps”. I watched this in the last week of October, after much hesitation and uncertainty about whether it actually sounded worth the time. It was. I loved it more than I have ever loved a werewolf film, even more than “The Company of Wolves”. I have recently become interested in werewolves in general, seeking out the very rare decent fiction and films about them, so “Ginger Snaps” is relevant to my current interests, but even if you do not care for werewolves I still recommend it. It is humorous in a dark, biting (ha unintentional pun) way, and very creepy, and fast-paced and full of interesting symbolism. Ginger’s lycanthropy coinciding with the onset of her period is one of the most unsubtle things ever, but still worthy of discussion by those more qualified than me to discuss it. And the two lead actresses who played Ginger and Brigitte, one of whom also played young Beverly in “It”, were wonderful enough that some of the more irritating performances didn’t matter much. I highly, highly recommend it. I plan to watch “Dog Soldiers” soon as my next werewolf film if I can find it; it has been recommended by several people and does not look painfully cheesy as these films generally are.

And third, “Pretty Monsters” by Kelly Link. I read this in November, as the nights were just beginning to get properly cold and hot chocolate seemed like a good option for the first time in the season, and I enjoyed it very much. It isn’t quite a favorite, but that is not always a requirement of a good book. It is a collection of short stories, and every time I thought I had read the strangest one, the next proved to be even stranger. Every story also had an abrupt ending that did not resolve or tie up anything and left me feeling annoyed, but this was intentionally done and probably serves some literary purpose that just went over my head. Regardless, it was a very engaging read and a couple of the stories have lingered in my mind.

“The Wizards of Perfil”, about a boy named Onion and a girl named halsa who have a poor and bleak life, and a man who buys children to be the servants of the wizards of Perfil, only the wizards are not who or what we are led to think they are and it turns out that there is probably a way to save yourself, after all. “Magic for Beginners”, where there is a strange and mysterious underground TV show called “The Library” that has no set schedule and no known producers, actors or director, avidly followed by a group of geeky teenagers and their parents. One of those teenagers is Jeremy Mars, who has a horror novelist father and an often dissatisfied mother and an inherited phone booth, where the main character of the TV show, Fox, calls him and asks him to steal three books containing dreadful secrets. “The Constable of Abal”, where a girl, Ozma, and her mother, Zilla, use decorative charms to collect ghosts, one of whom is the constable in the title, and a woman called Lady Fralix sees more than anyone else and helps everyone to find their true forms and homes. “Pretty Monsters”, a very meta story where two sisters are reading a book about a group of girls, one of whom is reading a book about another girl. The three stories are interwoven and all have their own kind of creepiness–an ‘ordeal’ which involves kidnapping and goats and woods and wolves, a crush born from a saved life which turns into a kind of obsession and ultimately leads somewhere dark and bloody, and a moonlit transformation.

Except you can’t judge a book by its cover. Whether or not this story has a happy ending depends, of course, on who is reading it. Whether you are a wolf or a girl. A girl or a monster or both. Not everyone in a story gets a happy ending. Not everyone who reads a story feels the same way about how it ends. And if you go back to the beginning and read it again, you may discover it isn’t the same story you thought you’d read. Stories shift their shape.

Next up: a 2011 reflection as shown through all the books I have read this year, and a post about “The Seas” by Samantha Hunt, which I am currently reading and enjoying very much.

Posted in fantasy, favorite, fiction, film, horror, magical realism | Leave a comment

In which one perfect poem says everything, or, an apology for absence

Be careful of words,
even the miraculous ones.
For the miraculous ones we do our best,
sometimes they swarm like insects
and leave not a sting but a kiss.
They can be good as fingers.
They can be trusty as the rock
you stick your bottom on.
But they can be both daisies and bruises.

Yet I am in love with words.
They are doves falling out of the ceiling.
They are six holy oranges sitting in my lap.
They are the trees, the legs of summer,
and the sun, its passionate face.

Yet often they fail me.
I have so much I want to say,
so many stories, images, proverbs, etc.
But the words aren’t good enough,
the wrong ones kiss me.
Sometimes I fly like an eagle
but with the wings of a wren.

But I try to take care
and be gentle to them.
Words and eggs must be handled with care.
Once broken they are impossible
things to repair.

–Anne Sexton, “Words”

Since last I wrote here, I have moved to a new apartment, been hit with a week-long illness that still hasn’t quite left me, made no progress on my latest story, and completed one more book and started another. I have so many things to write, so many. But the only blog I am updating with any regularity is the one that requires no actual writing from me. I will find new words and new energy. Until then, there is this poem.

Posted in personal, poetry, writing | Leave a comment

In which I attempt to describe an indescribable experience

The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings – words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out.

–Stephen King

Note: All the links in this post are to my concert recordings.

Somehow, my plea to the universe was heard and fulfilled, and on Sunday, I was in the same room with Sam Beam at University of Central Arkansas. Every time he spoke, I had an overwhelming sense of surreal amazement, that this man I have heard countless times through headphones and through speakers was actually speaking to me (among tons of other people, but never mind that), breathing the same air, et cetera. It never got less amazing. He was wonderful. His band was wonderful. Everything was just … wonderful.

The full setlist:
Rabbit Will Run (the only song I did not record, although I tried)
Me and Lazarus
The Sea and the Rhythm
Jesus the Mexican Boy
Wolves (Song of the Shepherd’s Dog)
Walking Far from Home
Love Song of the Buzzard
Half Moon
Big Burned Hand
Boy with a Coin
God Made the Automobile
Freedom Hangs Like Heaven
My Lady’s House
Free Until They Cut Me Down
House by the Sea
Woman-king
Fever Dream
Tree by the River
Trapeze Swinger (encore)

I have been trying to write about this for almost a week, but I don’t quite know how. Because I don’t know the words to describe what Iron & Wine is to me, how incredible it was to hear songs that have traveled with me through the past five years, brought to life in a way they never were before. All I know to say is that hearing “The Sea and the Rhythm” (my favorite of all Iron & Wine songs), “Walking Far from Home”, the most badass version of “Freedom Hangs Like Heaven”, and “My Lady’s House” was as holy an experience as I’m ever likely to find in any church and I will never, ever forget it. My friend Crystle said that she thinks seeing Sam Beam live is the closest to God she’s ever been, and I feel like that’s the most accurate way to sum up my experience, too.

The only downside was that because I am, frustratingly, hyper-hyper-hypersensitive to sound, it did get a bit overwhelming. “Free Until They Cut Me Down” in particular was a massive, thundering, creepy song and although I wanted to enjoy it because I love it so much, it made me tense and anxious. I tried very hard to just tell myself to breathe and go with it, and for the most part I succeeded–that was the only time when I actually felt uncomfortable. I am not really cut out for concerts. But I would not trade a second of this one for anything, and in fact I would do it over again, repeatedly. I came away feeling much more appreciative of his most recent album, “Kiss Each Other Clean”. I did not like it before the concert, but for some reason, I loved the live versions of every song he played from it except “Tree by the River”, which I still don’t like much. In particular, I really enjoyed “Me and Lazarus”.

At the end of at least half the songs, I continually repeated ‘That was awesome!’ It seemed to be all I could manage. Because it was awesome, in the most literal sense. I spent the evening in a perpetual state of awe. That I was there, that Sam Beam exists, that so much power and beauty can be captured in such small, fleeting songs. I spent the month leading up to the concert refusing to allow myself to be excited, because something might happen to prevent me from getting there. Even after the tickets were purchased, even on the drive to Arkansas. I never thought it would become a thing that was real. And so when it was finally really happening, it all crashed over me in an enormous wave, and I ended the night feeling completely overwhelmed and exhausted. There were many songs I love that I didn’t get to hear, but that only means I have more reason to see him again. And I will. Hopefully with different people next time, though, because my parents and Miranda went with me this time, and Miranda was fine, but my parents did not get the lyrics at all and made many interrupting comments when what they thought to be particularly strange ones came along. I also got even more tired than usual of hearing things like ‘you’re a freak’, and ‘you’ve always been a little odd’. My family says these things to me constantly. This is, perhaps, why I love the Internet the way I do, for the connection it gives me to people who get it. But I digress.

Some things just defy words. This was one of them. Nothing I ramble out here could even come close to doing it justice, but I felt like I had to try, to document it, to remember forever. I hope everyone gets a chance, at least once in their lifetime, to experience a live performance by a band they love this fiercely, that fills them with currents of feeling so that they think their hearts might beat right out of their chests. I listen to the recordings now and it feels like a dream. Sitting in the balcony, being washed in his words, it felt like a dream. His opening act was Marketa Irglova, and she and her band were also wonderful. They did fascinating things with their voices and Iranian drums. But I did not get recordings of them because I was there for Sam Beam and had little to spare for anyone else. Still, I recommend them.

And this is a pointless last line, because that ending felt too abrupt. So … goodbye. And continued apologies to my poor little blog for the neglect it has suffered recently. Hopefully, our upcoming move will jumpstart what little creativity I possess; location changes sometimes do that.

Posted in favorite, music | Leave a comment

In which I try to say important things but they mostly get lost, so there are lots of links to beautiful things to compensate

Reading Roxane Gay’s blog makes me want to be more real with my own writing. More direct. I have never quite outgrown my angsty fifteen-year-old habit of dancing around what I really want to say, burying truth in layers of simile and metaphor and vague statements that could be interpreted any number of ways. I feel safest when no one really knows how I feel. When I can say no, you misunderstand, if they get too close. But I like writing best when it’s a little bit raw and vulnerable and each word thrums with its own heartbeat, and so, I am a hypocrite. That is not a shocking revelation, but it is something I would like to try to start changing, if I can. Everyone puts forth a certain image when they blog–I don’t think I could name any blogger I read who shows every facet of themselves in detail–but I do this with my story and personal writing, too. We’ll see how it goes, I suppose, and in the meantime, you should read Roxane Gay’s blog because she writes the way I wish I could. It’s almost confessional, sometimes, and other times it’s just funny, and always it’s beautiful. You could start with A Sharp Line of Joy Holding Us Together and The Dissection of the Human Heart and We Would Never Be Over.

I have not been blogging lately because I am in a very bad place with words. They are not coming easily at all and I am frustrated nearly to the point of tears. It isn’t just blogging, it’s the stories, too. They crowd my mind and beat against my skull like the trapped little creatures they are and every time I try to sit down and free them, nothing comes. I have tried self-motivation and self-abuse and reading for inspiration and telling myself to just give up and stop trying so hard, and nothing works. And because I am not making any progress with the writing that might actually move me forward in life, I feel like I shouldn’t be writing anything for any other purpose either. My journaling over the past weeks has consisted of nothing more than the occasional line preserved in the Memento iPhone app, which is wonderful by the way, fragments of stories unable to be told. I jot them down when they come to me so that maybe, in the distant future, I can actually make something of them.

I think the root of this problem is the reading I have been doing, which is frustrating because the reading is necessary. I never submit to a magazine unless I have read some of the stories that have already been published there. Common sense, how else will I know if my story might be right for them? But the magazines I am interested in are full of such amazing, incredible stories, they make my heart swell and my breath quicken and more often than not, I am unable to contain my feelings and I share madly with everyone unlucky enough to follow me anywhere on the Internet. These are truly great stories I am talking about.

But they make me feel so terrible. I cannot write like that, I just can’t. Nothing anyone says to me will change my feelings on this point. I have written some things this year that I really love, but even at my best, I do not believe I can compete with the kind of talent displayed in these magazines. What do I have to say that could possibly be worthy of sharing space with such wonders? The tales I spin are nothing earth-shattering, nothing even very original, and I feel like I have not learned to go as deep with my writing as I need to. Certainly I do not know how to go as deep as the people I have been reading. What it seems to come down to, over and over again, is that regardless of how deeply I love words and how passionately I feel about stories and creating them, I don’t think I have the necessary talent to really make something of myself. And I am not sure what to do about that. Can it even be overcome? I don’t know. But last night it occurred to me that my problem might be trying to get through the story in a linear fashion, from beginning to middle to end, and maybe I would have more success if I wrote the bits I already know and then filled in the rest once there were bones to work from. So I am going to try this today and see how it works.

So, this is why I have not been writing, here or anywhere else. I have so many things to write about, though, and I want to do them justice because they are all amazing. “Practical Magic” by Alice Hoffman and “Ginger Snaps” and, most importantly, “Game of Thrones”. I really, really need to express some feelings about “Game of Thrones”. Hopefully soon I will be able to get back to blogging properly, for myself as much as for the four people who actually read this (if there are more than four of you, please don’t shatter my illusion; I like thinking I have this undiscovered little corner of the Internet for only myself). Until then, I will give you links to the things I have been reading, because even if they make me feel terrible about myself and my abilities, they are still incredible and I desperately hope at least one person will read them.

Jabberwocky Magazine, where I still hold out faint hope of someday seeing one of my own little creations, is bursting with talent. You can read all issues from 5 and up in their entirety on the website, and you should, but these are my particular favorites: The Woods, Their Hearts, My Blood by Mari Ness, A Corpse from a Swan by Erik Amundsen (I have enjoyed everything I’ve read by him so far), ‘Kitsune’, Fox by Brittany Warman (a friend from LJ, but I would love this story whether I knew her or not), and A Mother Goes Between by Rose Lemberg. Goblin Fruit publishes the loveliest fantastical poetry, most of which I feel like I do not quite understand, but it makes me feel happy to read it and it fills my head with magic. I have not read nearly enough, so I only have a couple of favorites: When I Arrived, This Is What She Said by C.S. MacCath, Guan Yin in the Garden by Nancy Sheng, and A Shining Spindle Can Still Be Poisoned by Amanda C. Davis. Shimmer Magazine is a hidden treasure full of some of the most beautiful stories I have ever read, no exaggeration. Their tenth issue, from early 2010, is available as a free PDF download, and it is well worth reading. I especially like “River Water” by Becca De La Rosa (a little like Francesca Lia Block and Catherynne M. Valente rolled into one), “Jaguar Woman” by Silvia Moreno-Garcia, “One for Sorrow” by Shweta Narayan and “The Carnivale of Abandoned Tales” by Caitlyn Paxson.

And now, I will attempt to hack my way to the heart of this story that is mostly about dreams but also a little about survival and the ugly things people feel entitled to do to one another and the power we find when we are stripped of everything else. I hope I can do it justice, eventually. It might be important, which is not something I have ever really expected my stories to be.

Posted in faerie tale, fantasy, favorite, fiction, writing | Leave a comment

In which I start out writing about “On Writing” and end up with a giant pep talk blog post of doom

Lately, I have been struggling with a complete lack of motivation to write. I know the stories I want to tell, they are constantly whispering inside my head and demanding my attention in the middle of other tasks, but I cannot seem to force myself to sit down, shut everything else out and do the work that gets them out of my head and onto the screen. I have become so frustrated that I have sat back, thrown my hands up and said, if only in the privacy of my own room, that maybe I should just go back to school and give in to the inevitable nine-to-five. Because if I can’t even make myself write when the stories are coming easily, what hope do I have when it gets harder and is more like work than play? And, on top of this, I have had more than a few moments where I get very upset because everyone else’s words are so much more than mine, and why did I ever think I could write, and who am I kidding trying to do it professionally, and why not just give it all up before I really embarrass myself? These have been some very disheartening days, and Stephen King’s “On Writing” was exactly what I needed to help me through.

I am not sure if this book would be so enjoyable to someone who is not already interested in Stephen King, or at least a fan of his work. I am both. But even if you think he is a talentless hack, as someone I know once said, I think there are some very honest, very insightful writing lessons that everyone who writes with any degree of seriousness should learn. Of course, there are also a couple of things I think can safely be disregarded, but as far as I know Stephen King never claimed to be an expert or to be writing a manual that every writer must live by, so that is all right. I think I marked more quotes from this book than from any book before it, and perhaps, if you are struggling with your own writing as much as I am struggling with mine, some of them will help you, too. So I will share them here, and I will also share some tidbits of writing wisdom from Neil Gaiman and from an article written by Stephen King in the Washington Post, and links to a couple of other writing-related things that have been helping me to press on.

Many people would probably not put much faith in Stephen King’s opinions on what makes a good writer, because many people do not think he is one and so he would not be qualified to judge. I think much of the negativity surrounding what he writes is the result of how people react to his word choices and the way he tells his stories, which is not elegant or refined or anything else ‘literary people’ tend to value so highly. And to all those who feel this way, that he is too crude or vulgar or just not sophisticated enough in expressing himself, I offer this quote.

Make yourself a solemn promise right now that you’ll never use “emolument” when you mean “tip” and you’ll never say John stopped long enough to perform an act of excretion when you mean John stopped long enough to take a shit. If you believe “take a shit” would be considered offensive or inappropriate by your audience, feel free to say John stopped long enough to move his bowels (or perhaps John stopped long enough to “push”). I’m not trying to get you to talk dirty, only plain and direct.

That last sentence especially is the perfect summary of his own writing. Not talking dirty, only plain and direct. When I read Stephen King’s books, I do not read them for the beautiful prose. I read them for the wonderful storytelling. His style of writing feels very much like being told a story by a favorite uncle, perhaps, or a good friend, relaxed and informal and comfortable. And he has so many excellent stories to tell, filled with so many insights into humanity and the things we do to one another and why we do them; it would be a shame to miss out on all of that just because he doesn’t try to dress up his stories with flowery prose. They don’t need it, anyway.

There is a lot in this book that is just common sense stuff, grammar rules you should have known years ago and things about the structure of sentences and how to make paragraphs flow, examples of good and bad dialogue, et cetera, and also things about agents and the rewriting process and having your own writing place. It is all very useful and it never hurts to refresh your understanding, and if you’re like me you always need help improving your dialogue, but it is not what made me love this book. Stephen King uses experiences from his own life to illustrate most of the points he makes, and even if you do not care about him personally, the way he tells his stories is very engaging and humorous and there is truth in them that can apply to everyone. I have always loved the way he writes about relationships, and marriages in particular, because he does not try to romanticize them but still manages to have plenty of sweet, poignant things to say. And he is very honest about his drug and alcohol addictions and the accident he had when he was hit by a van and how that affected his writing. I love these personal touches, they make his advice feel more meaningful because it comes from a real person, one who allows me to feel like I know him. And there are also things like this, which just makes me want to shout and fist-pump because yes, yes so much.

Reading at meals is considered rude in polite society, but if you expect to succeed as a writer, rudeness should be the second-to-least of your concerns. The least of all should be polite society and what it expects. If you intend to write as truthfully as you can, your days as a member of polite society are numbered, anyway.

And this:

Life isn’t a support-system for art. It’s the other way around.

And this, which is something I probably need to put on paper and hang above my workspace because it is far too easy for me to forget, to begin to romanticize and think that if it is coming hard or not coming at all, it is because it just isn’t the right time or the story is not meant to be written, not because I am just being lazy and expecting a fully-formed story to fall right into my lap:

Don’t wait for the muse. As I’ve said, he’s a hardheaded guy who’s not susceptible to a lot of creative fluttering. This isn’t the Ouija board or the spirit-world we’re talking about here, but just another job like laying pipe or driving long-haul trucks.

And this:

Writing isn’t about making money, getting famous, getting dates, getting laid, or making friends. In the end, it’s about enriching the lives of those who will read your work, and enriching your own life, as well. It’s about getting up, getting well, and getting over. Getting happy, okay? Getting happy. Some of this book-perhaps too much-has been about how I learned to do it. Much of it has been about how you can do it better. The rest of it-and perhaps the best of it-is a permission slip: you can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will. Writing is magic, as much the water of life as any other creative art. The water is free. So drink. Drink and be filled up.

there is also a part of the book where he talks about your ideal reader, the person all your writing is for. The one whose reactions you imagine while you write, wondering if this humorous bit will make them laugh or if this moving bit will make them cry. He believes that every novel is a letter to someone. For him, it is his wife, who is always his first reader and will give him blunt criticism when she feels it is necessary, and who will also laugh until she cries when she thinks something is funny. I really like the idea that all novels (and, for me, stories) are a letter to someone, but I do not think I know who my someone is. Everyone in my life is too kind, as ridiculous as that complaint is, and everything I write is apparently brilliant to them because they never criticize. The only time I got genuine criticism and corrections and helpful suggestions was when I sent a story to someone who did not really know me. that person was also an English major, which might have had something to do with it. For this reason only, I would like to be part of a writing group or take a creative writing class.

So, even though I still have no intention of throwing out adverbs entirely and refusing to use them ever again, I do feel like this book has shifted some of the things I thought about writing and the way I approached it, and I feel more optimistic than I did before I read it. It has not magically given me everything I need to write shining, captivating stories and it has not swept all my struggles away, but I think I can try again now, and that is as much as I can ask for. I highly, highly recommend this book if you are a writer (struggling or not), or if you want to be a writer, or if you just like Stephen King and would like to read about his life as it relates to writing.

As previously mentioned, there is a Washington Post article, also written by Stephen King, also containing honest truths about writing. You really should read it, but because I know most people won’t, I will give you the best bit. Or at least the bit that struck me as the best, because it is relevant to my current struggles and also because I always enjoy feeling unintentionally validated by famous authors.

But there’s no shortcut to getting there. You can build yourself the world’s most wonderful writer’s studio, load it up with state-of-the-art computer equipment, and nothing will happen unless you’ve put in your time in that clearing, waiting for Scruffy to come and sit by your leg. Or bite it and run away.

I’m often asked if writing classes are any help, and my immediate and enthusiastic answer is always, Yes! Writing classes are wonderful for the writers who teach them and can’t make ends meet without that supplementary income. They are also good places for unattached people to meet, talk about books and movies, have a few drinks and possibly hook up. But teach you to write? No. A writing class will not teach you to write. The only things that can teach writing are reading, writing and the semi-domestication of one’s muse. These are all activities one must pursue alone.

And a bit of cheering up from Neil Gaiman, taken from this interview, which is very long and probably only interesting to obsessive fangirls like me:

It’s not something (in my experience anyway) that happens on everything at the same time. It’s just that sometimes a project needs a little time to think, a little time to breathe. So what I tend to do when that happens is I always have two or three other things that I’m doing at the same time. I can just go to one of the ones that’s working. Which is how I give this appearance of being prolific. I’m really not. I think of myself as a very lazy author. But it’s very nice for me to have more than one thing that I’m doing at a time, and being able to bounce between them. The other thing that I would say about writer’s block is that it can be very, very subjective. By which I mean, you can have one of those days when you sit down and every word is crap. It is awful. You cannot understand how or why you are writing, what gave you the illusion or delusion that you would every have anything to say that anybody would ever want to listen to. You’re not quite sure why you’re wasting your time. And if there is one thing you’re sure of, it’s that everything that is being written that day is rubbish. I would also note that on those days (especially if deadlines and things are involved) is that I keep writing. The following day, when I actually come to look at what has been written, I will usually look at what I did the day before, and think, “That’s not quite as bad as I remember. All I need to do is delete that line and move that sentence around and its fairly usable. It’s not that bad.”

And a wonderfully simple post from Seth’s blog, which says:

The reason we don’t get talker’s block is that we’re in the habit of talking without a lot of concern for whether or not our inane blather will come back to haunt us. Talk is cheap. Talk is ephemeral. Talk can be easily denied.

We talk poorly and then, eventually (or sometimes), we talk smart. We get better at talking precisely because we talk. We see what works and what doesn’t, and if we’re insightful, do more of what works. How can one get talker’s block after all this practice?

Writer’s block isn’t hard to cure.

Just write poorly. Continue to write poorly, in public, until you can write better.

And finally, How To Steal Like An Artist by Austin Kleon, which is a list of 10 things Austin Kleon wishes he had heard when he was in college, and it is [mostly] wonderful. It is also very long, but worth reading if you are or want to be in any creative field.

What all these things come down to, stripped to the bare bones, is that nothing will be created if someone doesn’t create it. Trying might bring with it the possibility of failing, but not trying brings with it no possibilities at all. And I do believe, even on the worst days, that I have stories worth creating, and so I will try. Even when it is an uphill battle, even when it batters me to the point of exhaustion, even if the things I create are never accepted by anyone but myself, I will keep trying. Hopefully, when we move, I will be able to set up a little writing place for myself, something very small and simple. I think Stephen King is right and it will help me take myself and my writing more seriously. I will also make a schedule, as my mother has suggested, and stick to it like I would with any other job. Because I truly cannot imagine doing anything else, and my someday dream will never become a reality if I continue to poison my environment and sabotage myself, however unconsciously.

Posted in favorite, nonfiction, writing | Leave a comment

In which there is “MirrorMask” and my fangirling is embarrassing

Finally, finally, I have read a new book. It has been a month and I have been feeling very anxious over the lack of new words, but I cannot seem to find things that make me want to lift the cover and explore recently. And my friends do not, generally, read the kinds of books I love most, so finding good recommendations is difficult. But I have had “MirrorMask” by Neil Gaiman sitting on my virtual shelf for probably a year now and since “American Gods” is fighting me tooth and nail, I finally decided to give it a proper try.

Something you should know about me if you don’t know it already: I fangirl Neil Gaiman on a level that is pretty embarrassing. I am forever grateful to the friend who, a couple of years ago, suggested that I might like “The Graveyard Book” and even provided me with a copy. Because I loved it, and went on to read “Stardust” which I loved even more, and then “Coraline” and “Fragile Things” and “Smoke and Mirrors”. And then his journal, which is always filled with interesting links and lovely glimpses into his non-writing life, and then his Twitter, which is a more convenient extension of his journal. I stalk him all over the Internet, that’s basically what I’m saying. And I wish he was my father and read me stories all the time, which I think is a little creepy to say but there it is. Aside from being a brilliant writer, I think he is just such a lovely, warm, genuine person and actually interacts with his fans in a real way and uses his influence to promote important things and has the most pleasant voice ever and slakls;dfjghhwsllskjdjf I love him.

So yes. I am a fan. But there was just something about “MirrorMask” that did not quite work for me. A spark that wasn’t there. None of that magical connection that makes the characters feel like friends and each reread of the book feel like home. I wanted to like it, I really did. Aside from the fact that it’s Gaiman, it involves circus people and there are few things I like better than a good creepy carnival read. But no. This just wasn’t the book for me, I suppose. I feel like I missed something important that would make it all click and change my feelings about it, but if so, I haven’t figured it out yet. And it seemed to be lacking a certain lyrical, compelling something that Neil Gaiman’s writing usually has. I did enjoy Valentine, though, even though (or, more accurately, because) he wasn’t the most pleasant person. Why, oh why is it always the obnoxious, unpleasant males I love the most? It is bewildering to me. It is also a little bewildering to me that Helena liked him so much that she determined to find him in her own world, even after what he did to her. I think that, even though I fall in love with these men in books, in reality I would not be so forgiving of their faults.

In “MirrorMask”, Helena is the child of circus parents–a father who is a little flaky and unreliable and a mother who is practical and business-minded. She wishes to run away from the circus and join real life, just wants to be normal, et cetera, and she fights with her mother often. In one of those fights, her mother says ‘you’ll be the death of me’, and Helena replies ‘I wish I was’. And that one little thing, just one of those awful things you say during awful fights and regret immediately after saying it, is the beginning of an adventure that involves flying books with their own personalities, jugglers, cats with rainbow-colored wings and sharp, sharp teeth, sentient flying towers, and a terrible queen who wants a daughter to control, a puppet-girl. It is a little bit “Alice in Wonderland”, with nonsensical elements and the whole adventure taking place in a dream, but darker. There are some very true insights into family and growing up, and the mother-daughter relationship. This is not a very good summary, but it is difficult to write these things without spoiling anything and I listened to the audiobook, which means I did not mark any quotes. I dislike audio for this reason; marking passages makes writing about books much easier. It was read by Stephanie Leonidas, who has a very good voice for this kind of story and did a good job, but who is, regrettably, not Neil Gaiman, so falls a bit short.

I feel guilty for disliking this book and for not having much to say about it, so please accept this video as an apology. It is an animated video for Neil Gaiman’s “Blueberry Girl”, narrated by Neil himself, originally written as a poem-prayer for Tori Amos’s daughter but forever relevant to everyone ever. I want to buy a copy for Addy, and for myself, and for anyone who does not have one. If it does not convince you that neil Gaiman is magic, then I really think there is no hope for you.

And a kind of postscript that really doesn’t fit in anywhere but is Gaiman-related if you squint: Blastr has a collection of 33 scary stories you can read right now from great horror writers, which I am very excited about and I think you should read because there are some great stories there. I have not read all or even most of them, but I have read the Neil Gaiman and Stephen King and Edgar Allan Poe stories, and “The Monkey’s Paw” and “The Minister’s Black Veil” and, of course, “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow”, a childhood favorite. While none of them are what I would classify as scary, they are all very high-quality and I am excited to read the rest, with the exception of Cthulhu because that is so far from relevant to my interests. So yes, go read that.

Posted in children's literature, fantasy, fiction, young adult | Leave a comment

In which there is an impassioned plea to the universe and it is banned books week

Dear Universe,

I am a good person. Basically. I don’t kick puppies, I don’t hate babies, I try always to be kind to the world and its inhabitants. I am trying to overcome my innate laziness and become a semi-productive member of society. I have been working very diligently and complaining only a little. I make it a priority to send out more good than I receive, and I have been fortunate enough to receive quite a lot. I am a very special snowflake, that’s what I’m getting at.

When Counting Crows came to my state with Collective Soul and played just forty-five minutes away from me, I did not get to go. When Eisley came to my state and played just forty-five minutes away from me, I once again did not get to go. When Andrea Gibson came to my state and performed a couple of hours away from me, yes, the pattern continued and I did not get to go. And finally, when Iron & Wine played at the ACL Festival earlier this month, I was tormented with the possibility of going, only for it not to work out after all. I know these are very small trials in the greater scheme of things, but now iron & Wine will be playing at University of Central Arkansas in November and I really, really need to be there. Really.

If any band could be said to have ‘saved me’, as angsty teenagers are wont to claim their favorite bands have done, it would be Iron & Wine. Hearing “Naked As We Came” as a still-uncertain-of-myself seventeen-year-old changed my life, I don’t care how cheesy it is to say that. For someone who thought the radio existed only to play country music for the first eight or so years of my life, and then spent the rest of my formative years with mainstream pop and rap and things like Fall Out Boy and Panic at the Disco, discovering Iron & Wine and then similar bands was a quiet little miracle. And I will be forever grateful, because I feel like I settled into my true self as I settled into my true musical preferences and so in that way, music and self are intertwined for me. An essential part of who I am was shaped by Sam Beam’s beautiful creations. His words have inspired me more than those of almost anyone else, and his guitar and voice have helped to calm many personal storms.

This post is ridiculous. All I meant to say was please, pretty pretty please, universe, let me have this one. In addition to the previously mentioned performers I have missed, I have received two no-response rejections and one outright rejection in the past three months, and dealt with neighbors who seem to feel that I would not benefit from even a single night of proper sleep; surely you can at least give me this. One concert, that’s all I’m asking for.

Sincerely,
A frighteningly devout fangirl



On another note, this week is banned books week. I’m not doing a full post about it, but I think you should take a look at ALA’s list of the top 10 most frequently challenged books of 2010 and 17 famous banned books you probably read as a kid and find yourself something new to read. I especially like the latter, because it is relevant to my interests and there are many truly wonderful books on it, and because the reasons for banning are just so ridiculous that I can’t take them seriously at all. My favorites are main character has no moral story arc, death being central to the plot, questioning God/religious uncertainty and blending of fantasy and reality. Honestly, in what world are these such horrific things that they warrant book bannings? And in what world does Twilight have explicit sexuality or offensive language?

I get it, it’s hard to look the world in the face, acknowledge all its uglinesses and still say yes, this is my world and I am going to love it and make the best out of living in it. It’s scary out there, I know. But burying your head in the sand or running around exclaiming that the sky is falling is not going to make it better. Denying your children the chance to explore difficult and negative concepts is not going to prevent those things from touching their lives, and allowing them to read about bad things is not somehow going to act as a negativity magnet and cause bad things to happen to them. And, as I have said on this blog before, parents should parent their own children and leave everyone else’s alone, and everyone should stop trying to impose their own standards of morality on the entire world. I have read nine of the things on the second list and loved eight of them, and my mother, that awful, deviant, heathen lady, not only allowed me to read Goosebumps and Harry Potter when I was young, but also went one step further and actively encouraged me by asking me to read them to her and I think I still turned out reasonably well. But, as Moïra of Brackets and Ampersands says:

I mean, I clearly grew up as an entirely disreputable, profane, sexually promiscuous satanic witchy wizard with acute religious uncertainty who is disrespectful to adults, sunbathes with her breasts partially exposed & who can’t tell fantasy from reality, so you shouldn’t take me as an example. Also I have no moral story arc & death is central to my plot. Hmm… Maybe the book banners have a point.

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