HOW DEARLY I LOVE THIS ROSE AND HEDGE
Sometimes, we seek the end of the journey so much that we forget to pay attention to the moment, to our here and now. It may not be a lofty palace, but wherever you are, even if it’s not your favorite place, has something lovely about it.
What do you love about your current place in your life’s journey? What lovely, small things can you appreciate more?
I chose to do this prompt today because whenever I look at it, I feel annoyed. It’s really difficult for me to think of things I enjoy about my current life, or about my current location, or about much of anything, really. I’d rather spend my time thinking about where I’d like to be and what I’d like to have, which is one of my biggest problems. Focusing all my attention on a hazy future that may or may not come to be means that I’m never fully focusing on the here and now, and that’s what I need to be doing to insure the future I want.
So, what I love about my current place in my life’s journey. I love that I’m actually absurdly privileged in that I get to follow my own schedule, without having to worry about getting up every morning and going to a nine to five job, or going to school (yet). I love that I have family who indulge me in most of the things I want, like going to concerts and Renaissance festivals and movies. I love that I have a baby niece and I get to watch her grow and develop, becoming her own little person with her own definite attitude, and that soon she’ll be old enough for me to share all the things I loved so much as a child with her. I love that I’m able to manage going to therapy each week, where I get to dissect myself and my brain and learn how to make healthier mental and emotional choices, which will hopefully benefit me in finding more joy and love in the future. I love that I get to share my living space and expenses with someone I’ve known for more than half my life, someone I feel totally comfortable with and whose family I like and who likes a lot of the same things I like, like reading aloud and Harry Potter and indulging in childish pursuits that should probably be embarrassing but aren’t. I love that I have a mother who also likes a lot of the same things I like, like horror and bookstores and libraries and coffee shops, and who is willing to go and indulge those things with me on a pretty regular basis. And I love that I feel like I’ve finally managed to settle into the self I’m going to be for the rest of my life, that I’m secure in my ideals and convictions and I’m confident that what I present to other people is what I want them to see; no more teenage angst and insecurity or early-twenties restlessness and growing pains.
And lovely, small things I can appreciate more. Living in an apartment where there are lots of birds and trees, right next to a wooded area and a really nice walking trail, where it’s quiet (most of the time). Having a swimming pool within easy walking distance. Having the money to buy most of the things I want, and nearby people who are always willing to help out in the event of a financial emergency. Owning so many pretty things–tea sets, fairy houses, leather-bound fairy tale books, jewelry, etc. My cat. Dresses I feel comfortable in. Perfumes that let me smell like the flower garden of my dreams. Delicious egg sandwiches and hamburgers and muffins and smoothies … there’s so much good food here.
It’s not a perfect life and I don’t have perfect health (who does?), and I’m miles from where I want to be. But it’s nice to realize that once I stop and think about it, a lot of things are really great.